외할머니의 유산
아직 6월 초인데, 낮기온은 한여름이고 밤도 거의 열대야 수준이다. 아직 투명박스에 들어있던 한여름 옷들을 꺼내어 서랍에 넣고, 몇 번쯤 더 입지 않을까 싶어 가까이 뒀던 긴팔셔츠를 세탁기에 넣었다.
그러면서 꺼내 입은 흰색 민소매 티셔츠..나일론 혼방쯤 되는 듯 촉감이 시원하고 크기가 넉넉해서 오늘밤에 입기에 딱이다. 아직은 정신이 맑으실 때 외할머니가 주셨던 옷이다. 어렸을 땐(그러니까 할머니가 좀 더 젊으셨을 땐) 만나면 얼마씩 용돈도 주시곤 했는데 그때 즈음엔 나도 성인이 된 지 한참 지난 후였고, 사정도 별로 여의치 않으셨던 것 같다. 그날따라 유난히 당신이 가지신 것 중 이것저것 챙겨주셨는데, 이 셔츠와, 꽃무늬 양산, 엄마가 줬지만 안 쓰고 아끼셨던 대용량 향수였다.
친할머니보다 연세가 많으시고 덜 배우신 분이어서 어린 마음에 대하기에 더 어려웠던 기억이 있지만 나를 무척 대견해 하셨는데..
내가 나이를 먹어서인지 돌아가신 후라서인지 해가 갈수록 외할머니를 생각하면 마음이 아린다.

외할머니가 물려주신 것 또 한 가지는 삭힌 홍어를 좋아하게 된 것이다. 할머니의 상을 치르는 3일동안 매 끼니를 장례식장 육개장과 함께 삭힌 홍어를 먹다보니 조금씩 더 삭아가는 홍어의 참맛을 알게 된 것 같다. 화장까지 모든 절차를 마친 후 마지막 식사에는 일하시는 아주머니가 완전히 삭은 홍어로 무침을 만들어 주셨다. 할머니가 돌아가셨는데 밥맛도 좋고 너무 잘 먹는다고 스스로 생각했지만 정말로 첫날부터 마지막날까지 모두 맛있었다. 그때도 지금도 할머니가 돌아가신 사실이 별로 실감나진 않는다. 임종을 지키지도 못했고, 마지막에 병원에 입원하신 모습을 한 번 뵙긴 했지만 그냥 그대로 입원해 계셔서 명절 때도 못 오시는 것 같은 느낌이랄까..
근데 사실은 그 후로 한참동안 엄마가 힘들어 하시는 걸 보면서 할머니가 돌아가셨음을 실감하는 것이 두려웠다. 언젠간 아마 20년쯤 후엔(*.*) 나도 겪을 일이 될 거라고 생각하니 이렇게 쓰는 중에도 벌써 눈물이 흐른다. 그래서 그저 가까이 안 계신다고 생각하고 싶은 게 분명하다.

나중엔 어떻게 할 지 그 때 일이고, 지금은 현실을 회피하면서(-.-) 할머니가 주신 셔츠를 입고 향수를 방향제 삼아 뿌리며 할머니의 사랑을 되새길까 한다..
by 블루치즈 | 2010/06/09 02:58 | feedback | 트랙백
He's Working on Your Behalf

 

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE

"We know that God will work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose"
(Romans 8:28).

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria

God is working behind the scenes in your life today. No matter what you may be facing, no matter what trial you may be going through, God has a plan to turn things around in your favor. Right now, He is working out a plan for your good. Right now, He is orchestrating the right people to come across your path. He is orchestrating the right opportunities to open up to you. You may not see it in the natural, but look with your eyes of faith today. Keep standing. Keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep following His Word. Focus on His goodness in your life, knowing that He rewards the people who seek after Him. As you meditate on the faithfulness of God and show your love for Him by following His Word, you will see His plan come to pass. You'll experience His peace and joy, and you will live in victory all the days of your life!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. I trust that You are working behind the scenes on my behalf. Give me Your strength and peace today and fill me with Your faith to overcome. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

by 블루치즈 | 2009/08/14 15:33 | 번역연습 | 트랙백
Hope Against Hope

 

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him…"
(Romans 4:18, NIV)

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria

Do you feel like you are in a hopeless situation today? Is there no sign of change in the natural? Remember, we serve a supernatural God. What looks impossible with man is possible with God.

In the Bible, God told Abraham he would be the father of many nations. But in the natural, this looked impossible. Both he and his wife were beyond child-bearing years. They had no reason to hope or believe it would happen. They had nothing to go on in the natural. But one translation of this verse says, "Hoping in spite of hopeless circumstances, he believed." And you probably know the story. Abraham finally had a son, Isaac and his son, Jacob had 12 sons—the twelve original tribes of Israel with descendants outnumbering the grains of sand on the shore!

Today, I encourage you to do what Abraham did and go against all the odds; hope on in faith anyway. Keep believing. Keep praying. Keep moving forward. Don’t focus on the impossible circumstances, focus on the God who makes the impossible possible! Keep looking through your eyes of faith because He has blessing and victory in store for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Heavenly Father, today I choose to hope in You even when everything around me looks hopeless. I invite You to breathe Your life into the impossible circumstances around me. Have Your way in and through me as I dedicate every part of my heart and mind to You. In Jesus´ Name, Amen.

by 블루치즈 | 2009/08/08 19:33 | 번역연습 | 트랙백


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